


The Torments Of Love

by Charturnus



Category: Gentleman Jack (TV)
Genre: Also some angst at the end if you squint, But it's my fic so bite me, F/F, Fluff, Gratuitous Smut, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn with Feelings, Sexual Frustration, The bit about the stars probably isn't accurate at all, they're so in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 03:30:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19164934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charturnus/pseuds/Charturnus
Summary: When Anne finds out what Mr. Thomas Ainsworth did to her beloved Ann, she stops being intimate with her. Ann, already plagued by nerves can hardly cope, so she seeks Anne out one night, in hopes of getting rid of that insistent ache between her thighs.





	The Torments Of Love

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! I've had such a bad bout of writer's block, it's been a real struggle. In fact, I wrote this whilst procrastinating on writing a Marianna/Anne fic. 
> 
> In other news, I have a twitter! So, give me a cheeky follow on there @charturnus and while you're at it I run an incorrect Gentleman Jack quotes account with some of my friends so you can have a look at that @incorrectgj
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this and as always, let me know what you think!

Anne loved her. Anne loved her. Anne loved her

She repeated it in her head, over and over, like a prayer.

Anne loved her. She had told her so, Ann saw her lips move as they formed those words, she heard her say it, in the voice she loved so dearly.

She repeated it to herself, day and night. Like a mantra, like a talisman that kept her safe from all harm. If only she kept saying it, it wouldn’t go away.

She often found herself dwelling on why she loved Anne so much. She could have chosen anyone, but she chose her. Why? And what did it matter? In an infinite universe where planets and stars constantly die and are born again, what difference did it make? Nothing. She didn't matter, and neither did Anne. There is so much mysterious beauty, so many wonderful things. And yet, all she wanted, was Anne.

Perhaps, she thought, they had both come from the same star, and stardust from that star flowed through both of their veins. Perhaps the bit of star in her sees a universe in Anne’s eyes, a constellation in her freckles. Maybe she should have always done this, maybe this is why she had always loved Anne so fiercely. Their stars had been trying to pull them together and now here they were.

Anne loved her, she had told her so. And yet, she would not touch her anymore.

After she had confessed to Anne what Mr Ainsworth had done to her, she stopped touching her like _that._ She stopped kissing her on her mouth, instead going for her cheek or her hands. Ann didn’t question her on it, she understood that which Anne had been unable to say. She had not lost interest, instead she was waiting for Ann to come to her. She did not want to make her feel pressured and for that Ann loved her but she was concerned too. She wanted to be touched by Anne, but she did not know how to ask for it.

She knew Anne’s lust had not died down either. Anne touched herself sometimes, when it was late at night and she thought Ann had fallen asleep. Ann would watch her through her eyelashes, taking in the sight of Anne pleasuring herself. Her hand would move softly, slowly between her legs and she would bite down on her fist to stop herself from making noise. Ann thought she was beautiful. She never told her, for she did not like to hear it, but Ann thought she was beautiful all the same.

Watching her made Ann ache. She wished she could reach out, open her eyes and let Anne know she was watching. She longed for a night with Anne’s hands all over her and she longed to touch Anne too. But for that to happen she knew she had to be the one to reach out. It scared her, she wasn’t confident like Anne was. She didn’t know how to ask, she was afraid of looking foolish, she was afraid Anne would turn her away.

So instead, she let herself ache. Watching Anne, night after night.

On one particular night however, she could not get to sleep. She was pacing around Crow’s nest, trying desperately to clear her head. She _ached_. It was almost unbearable, it almost hurt. Squeezing her thighs together gave her a moment of relief, but as soon as her thighs unclenched the ache came back, perhaps even worse than before. She wanted to cry. She wished she was brave enough to touch herself as Anne did, she had tried it a handful of times but she could never make herself feel like Anne could. Anne could do such wonderful things to her.

She came to an abrupt halt in the library, she stared out of the window, clasping her hands tightly together. Anne could do wonderful things to her, if only she asked. Anne could make this go away, Anne could help her. Anne _would_ help her.

The decision was made in half a heartbeat, she turned on her heel and headed straight back to their bedroom. She was still afraid, she still didn’t know what she would say or how she would ask but she knew Anne wouldn’t turn her away, Anne would touch her if she asked.

When she walked into the room the first thing she saw was Anne laying on their bed, reading a book by the light of some candles. She looked up at the sound of the door opening. ‘’There you are!’’ she said, closing her book and half rising in bed. ‘’I was wondering whether you’d gotten lost’’

Ann didn’t reply, she was gathering all the courage she had, to do what she knew she wanted more than anything. Walking over to the bed and climbing in she tried to ignore Anne’s raised eyebrow. ‘’Ann? Are you alright’’

She couldn’t bear it any longer. She tugged her nightgown up so she could straddle Anne’s thighs, she still didn’t know what to say so she leaned in to kiss her. If Anne was surprised she didn’t show it, she allowed Ann to kiss her and even let her hands rest gingerly on Ann’s buttocks.

The touch makes her feel like her insides were on fire, how she had missed this, how she had missed feeling Anne like this.

When she whimpers into the kiss Anne pulls away to look at her. ‘’Ann, what’s this?’’

She opens her mouth but no sound comes out, instead she just feels her bottom lip tremble. Anne’s thumb reaches out to touch it and for a moment she feels a mad desire to take it into her mouth, she doesn’t. But Anne didn’t miss the way her lips parted and the way her head turned to lean into the touch.

‘’Ann? Talk to me.’’

She takes a deep breath to steady herself. ‘’it hurts, Anne’’

An alarmed look flashes over Anne’s face, she takes hold of both of her arms and looks her up and down, as though trying to locate an injury. ‘’You’re hurt? Where? What happened?’’

No, she thinks. It’s all wrong, she’s got it all wrong. ‘’It’s not…’’ she’s desperately trying to find the right words but she’s acutely aware of the deep throbbing ache between her legs and of how much her face is burning.

‘’Anne, it’s not like that, it’s…’’ Her hips jerk involuntarily against Anne’s and suddenly Anne’s expression changes. Slowly, comprehension dawns on her face and her eyes are suddenly full of understanding and something else which Ann thinks might be pity.

‘’Oh, Ann…’’ Anne says softly as she pushes a few stray hairs back behind her ear. ‘’You’re aching?’’ she asks. ‘’Between your legs?’’

Ann could’ve cried, she was so grateful Anne had understood without having to tell her outright. Her face was still burning and she knew she must be bright red but she found that she didn’t care for Anne’s hands were still on her buttocks, grabbing hold more firmly now and the throbbing between her legs was as strong as ever.

She nods shakily. ‘’Anne, it hurts’’ She cringes at how pathetic she sounds but Anne evidently does not think anything of the sort because she’s smiling now. A wicked sort of smile that usually tells Ann they won’t be leaving their bed any time soon.

Anne takes her face between forefinger and thumb so she can look at her properly. ‘’Are you sure this is what you want, Ann?’’ She’s nodding before Anne has even finished her sentence. ‘’Yes’’ she breathes. ‘’Yes, Anne. I need this, please, please. It hurts’’

Instantly one of Anne’s legs shoots upwards to connect with Ann’s centre. She lets out a loud gasp, her head fall forward onto Anne’s shoulder and she can feel her smiling in to her hair. The pressure makes her feel dizzy, her hips grind down, trying to find the friction she needs but Anne is already pulling away. She whines, loudly, obscenely. But she doesn’t care, she doesn’t care that the servants might hear her, all she cares is about is Anne taking care of the persistent burning ache between her thighs.

In one swift pull, her nightgown comes off over her head, in an instant Anne’s mouth is on her, first her neck, then her chest and finally her breasts. She moans as Anne’s mouth closes around a hard nipple, her tongue sliding over it, her free hand palming her other breast. She takes hold of the back of Anne’s head, not knowing if she wants to pull her closer or if she wants to push her head down so she’ll take her clitoris in her mouth and suck on that instead.

As though she read, Anne lets go of her nipple with a pop and starts kissing her way down Ann’s body. Wet kisses litter Ann’s stomach and she’s writhing around on the bed as though it’s made of burning coals. When Anne presses the first kiss to her golden curls, she gasps and her hips snap up sharply. Anne pushes her down with both hands, giving her a reproving look.

‘’Be a good girl now’’ her voice is low and dangerous. Ann wants to say something but her words are drowned by the moan that follows as Anne lets her fingers slide through the thick wetness that’s gathered at the apex of her thighs. She’s been wound up for so long, it doesn’t even take a full minute. She should be embarrassed but Anne’s fingers are right where she wants them, her eyes are screwed shut and her orgasm is so close she can almost taste it.

She feels her muscles tighten around nothing and Anne knows, Anne  _knows_ , she knows her far too well. She tries desperately to clamp her thighs together, just to get a little closer. But then Anne is gone and there is nothing to grasp, nothing to ride against. She hears Anne laugh as she watches her hips grinding up against nothing.

She groans loudly. Anne is going to make her work for this one.

.

.

.

 

She has never been this wet before. Her wetness was smeared on the insides of thighs, as well as on all places where Anne had rested her hands. It stuck to her stomach and breasts and she could feel it dripping down on to the sheets beneath her. The smell of sex clung to her like perfume, it was dirty, it shouldn’t have felt so right, but it did. It was heaven, Ann decided.

It was too much and yet, not enough. She felt like she was mere seconds away from exploding, but it never came. Anne kept bringing her to edge, only to pull away before she got there. She didn’t know why Anne liked it so much, all she knew was that every time Anne pulled away at the last second, she would watch her struggle and cry with a delighted smile on her face. She’d call her beautiful and tell her to be good. She didn’t really need to, of course Ann would be good. She didn’t even have to be tied down. Ann stayed perfectly still, even if it pained her to do so.

Anne was busy between her legs, licking long, broad strokes up and down her clitoris. She could feel her orgasm coming, she could feel it stirring in her lower belly, ready to claw itself out of her. She grasped at Anne’s hands, willing her to stay, to finally let her finish. She didn’t. Of course she didn’t. Doing this to Ann was perhaps her favourite pastime. Ann knew she revelled in seeing her like this.

Her legs shook, she groaned and then she let out a high pitched whine that made Anne laugh. She could feel the tears prickling in her eyes as she looked down, Anne’s head was resting on her thigh and she was looking at her with a look of wonder.

‘’You’re so beautiful when you’re like this Ann.’’ She whispered. “There’s an animal inside you, my darling. I want to see it’’ She wanted to ask Anne what she meant with that but Anne’s attention had moved back to the apex of her thighs.

“You are so ready, aren't you, my love?” Anne asks.  She slips two fingers inside her and Anne feels her muscles tighten around them, already poised to fall apart, just from that. “You could come, if I just moved, couldn't you? If I only moved... just a little...” Her voice is low and full of promise, but her hand is still.

Ann bites her lip hard she wants to cant her hips, swallow those fingers and close down around them. A high pitched whine escapes her, but she stays still with an intense effort of will, the muscles in her abdomen straining. ‘’Perfect’’ she hears Anne say, but it’s as though she’s miles away.

Tears are streaming down her cheeks freely now, when Anne notices she moves upwards to kiss her. ‘’It’s alright my darling’’ she coos softly ‘’You’ve been such a good girl, my love.’’

Ann lets out a sob. ‘’It hurts, Anne. Make it go away, _please_ , make it stop’’

She can feel Anne’s smile against her cheek. ‘’Anything for you, my darling’’

With one last kiss to her tear stained cheeks, Anne settles between her thighs once more, the tension building in her stomach is almost unbearable.

Anne slips two fingers into her and presses upward, whilst leaning in to rest the flat of her tongue against her clitoris – and  _oh_ , it's enough, her body does all the work, she couldn’t have stopped it, even if she had tried. Her body clamps down on Anne’s fingers, milking the orgasm out of herself. She feels like the whole world is crashing down with her, it’s like a volcano is erupting inside her body. Her hips are jerking madly and she’s wailing, but she doesn’t care. All she cares about is that her ache is finally unravelling. She can hear Anne’s laugh somewhere in the distance, it’s not cruel or mocking, but delighted. Ann supposes this is what Anne meant when she told her she had an animal inside her.

.

.

.

.

‘’I didn’t want to make you feel like you had to’’ Anne says softly. ‘’I never want you to feel like you have an obligation to me’’

They were laying side by side in bed, the covers pulled over them for warmth. Anne had blown out the candles, what felt like hours ago. For a while they had lain there not talking, but Ann could tell this had weighed heavily on Anne, even if she would never admit it.

‘’I know’’ Ann whispers into the darkness. ‘’You’re not him’’ she reaches out to take Anne’s hand in her own. ‘’I know you’d never force me to do anything, Anne’’

She can feel a kiss being pressed to her hand. ‘’It took you a long time to come to me’’ Anne says.

Ann feels the colour rise in her cheeks and is suddenly grateful that Anne can’t see her. ‘’I’m not brave like you’’

That makes Anne laugh. ‘’I think you’re braver than anyone, even you yourself, gives you credit for’’ she brushes Ann’s hair away from her shoulder so she can press a kiss to it. ‘’You only have to ask, Ann. You know I’ll try to give it to you, whatever it is.’’

Ann considers this for a moment. ‘’What if I ask you to stay with me forever?’’ she says in a small voice, screwing her eyes shut, preparing to hear Anne’s excuses. But they never come. Instead she feels Anne smile against her shoulder.

‘’Nothing in the world could take me away from you, my Ann. Nothing and no one but God himself.’’ Anne sits up and even though she can hardly make out her shape in the darkness she knows Anne’s face so well by now it’s almost as though she can make out the expression on her face as she looks down at her.

‘’Until death do us part. Then and only then, will I go. Nothing else could take me away from you, my love’’

Anne leans in to kiss her and like so often Ann can tell she’s trying to put all the words she can’t speak into the kiss, Ann loves her for that. Even though she can’t always say what she feels, she tries to show her, she always tries to show her.

They lie down together, for it is far too late and they ought to be asleep already.

Lying there, her head on Anne’s chest and her arms wrapped around her, listening to her heartbeat, she wonders how long it will be until it stops altogether.

‘’Until death do us part’’

That night she silently prays to God that he won’t take Anne away from her, not until she’s gone herself, or until they’re both old and grey.

He wouldn’t be that cruel, Ann thinks as she feels herself falling asleep. Anne will be there, forever and ever. Like Stardust, she thinks dully. Always out there, somewhere. And somehow that’s a comfort to her.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, I wrote that bit about the stars years ago about someone I was in love with. Ended up being useful too, who'd have guessed?  
> I really hope you liked this, let me know your thoughts down in the comments.  
> Have a good one!


End file.
